My Story of Healing
Heading for the jungle to study with the Yawanawá tribe.
In dieta in Mutum, Brazil
In 2017, I found myself in a state of complete despair. Though externally I appeared composed, internally, I was a mess. My inner dialogue was one of anger and self-criticism. I was trapped in a spiraling loop of a story centered around my 'not enough-ness,' keeping me stuck in self-loathing and a sense of stagnation in life.
This negative narrative would manifest in my interactions with loved ones – snapping at my young daughter, picking fights with my wife, and harboring self-deprecating thoughts. To cope, I resorted to daily alcohol consumption, masking the internal turmoil.
While my relationships with others were 'good,' they remained superficial. I hesitated to open up emotionally or share vulnerably about my inner beliefs, fueled by a lack of self-esteem that governed my life.
On Mother’s Day of 2017, during my wife's pregnancy with our second child, I found myself in a plant medicine ceremony. Unfamiliar with this Amazonian medicine, I embraced it on the advice of my therapist, who described it as 'ten years of therapy in one night.' Previous attempts with therapy and life coaching had uncovered some root belief systems but failed to bring about significant change. So I gave it a go.
The Shipibo ceremony provided the kick I needed, instilling a deep sense of gratitude for the gifts in my life – family, friends, health, and abundance that I had been blind to see.
However, my journey of integration presented its unique challenges. While I desired change, I grappled with the fear of letting go of my 'old story.' Questions haunted me: "Who would I be without alcohol?" "What would happen to my friendships if I made fundamental changes?" "Is it safe to release my anger?" "Can I forgive my parents?" Confronting my emotions felt uncomfortable, and I resisted this process.
Hunting the frog in Mutum, Acre, Brazil
In 2019, I found myself in a situation reminiscent of two years prior, though with a slightly diminished negative narrative. Sensing the need for a tune-up, I heeded the inner voice calling me to sit in ceremony again, a sign that the time had come for a spiritual reset.
Divine intervention guided me to my second ceremony, this time with my wife joining me for her inaugural experience. Similar to my previous encounter, the revelations I experienced were nothing short of miraculous. Yet, as before, the desire for change coexisted with the fear of the unknown that accompanied implementing those changes.
Despite my gradual movement towards a more empowered and healed self, the fear of embracing fundamental changes persisted. I felt immense pressure, grappling with the uncertainty of who I would become if I dared to transform.
Two years later, the pattern repeated – slow, methodical, and safe changes, but nothing transformative enough to significantly enhance my mental health and interpersonal relationships. I realized that my 'monkey mind' held sway over me, and I was not the empowered creator of my own life. Instead, I found myself ensnared in the narrative spun by my mind, and the story seemed beyond my control.
Making the medicine in Brazil, 2022.
Following a recommendation from a friend we had made during the previous ceremony, my wife and I were introduced to a community in Austin, Texas, which just so happened to be the city where we used to live and where we had just moved back. Once again, it was time to heed the call and go inward.
The third time proved to be the charm.
It wasn't just about the revelations – a moment of true forgiveness for my younger self and forgiveness for my mother, seeing her for who she is, allowing for forgiveness, connection, and love to shape the new narrative. What truly resonated was the inspiration drawn from the people I encountered in my community. These individuals reflected back to me the idea that it was safe to embrace my authentic self while traversing a spiritual and healing path. I realized I didn't have to relinquish my identity to incorporate spirituality and healing modalities; I could seamlessly integrate both aspects.
I discovered my inspiration, my 'Why' – a compelling reason to delve deeper into the fundamental toolkit of meditation, breathwork, healthy eating, bodily movement, reading for growth, the practice of mental presence, prayer, and gratitude for each day as a precious gift.
The years that followed have been dedicated to my growth journey. I committed myself to a profound study of the Yawanawá indigenous lineage and its teachings. After years of desiring it, I finally managed to stop drinking alcohol.
I also undertook two plant medicine dietas, including one in the Amazonian jungle of Brazil, where I spent 30 days studying with a Yawanawá spiritual teacher, a pajé (shaman). It was during this experience that I deepened my connection to Kambo, understanding its origins and exploring its healing possibilities.
As this chapter of my life unfolded, I yearned for more. I pondered how I could hold space for others and aid them on their journeys.
This is where breathwork entered the picture. While I had previously experienced the power of Breathwork on multiple occasions, it was during a session that I underwent a significant release, allowing me to recognize the profound healing power that exists from within.
This realization underscored the accessibility of our breath at any moment. It became evident that breathwork serves as a swift path to tap into our inner knowing, alleviate anxiety, quiet the mind, and rapidly process stagnant emotions. Motivated to share these benefits, I became certified and began offering my services in various capacities.
Kambo initiation with the Yawanawá
I now serve as a team member for plant medicine ceremonies, work as a psychedelic guide holding space for patients at a ketamine treatment facility, hold certification as a Grief Recovery Specialist, and provide group and private sessions for breathwork and Kambo, among other guiding services. My goal is to assist those seeking the profound benefits of these potent medicines and resources.
It is a profound honor to hold space for individuals on their respective paths, offering guidance on releasing what no longer serves them and embracing more of what they desire in life. I humbly extend my services, recognizing that we are each other's teachers. I am here for you, and you are here for me. Together, we grow for the greater good of humanity, contributing to the elevation of consciousness on the planet and the progression of our soul's journey.
Facilitating a group in Austin, Texas.